All I Want
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Probably set between 5.05 and 5.06. Robert and Cora trying to make things work again with a little help from Tom and Mary. Also takes a rather speculative look at why Mary thinks that she can't marry Tony.


Please let me know what you think!

Thank you!

Kat

* * *

><p>He stalled as long as he could, but he thinks that now it is time to go to bed. He has taken to going to bed long after his wife because he does not want to talk to her. Or rather because he does not want to fight with her, because that is all they do. Inside their bedroom and outside of it too. Ever since his surprise visit to London gone wrong, they have done nothing but fight. And ever since his return from Sheffield it has gotten worse. Deep down he is sure that Bricker was the seducer, that it wasn't Cora, that she would not have invited Bricker into their bedroom. If she had actually wanted to sleep with him, she would not have taken him to that room. He just can't imagine her taking another man into the bed she sleeps in with him. But it hurt him. So much. The image of that man and Cora together keeps replaying in his mind and he can't stop it. And Cora is mad at him. He knows she has a right to be, he knows nothing of this would ever have happened if he had not taken his darling wife for granted. His darling wife. He wonders if she really still is that, if in their hearts they still are husband and wife.<p>

But all their fights are nothing compared to the time before they go to bed. The time right before they went to bed used to be the time at which they discussed things most openly, but not anymore. They don't talk anymore at all, they don't even look at each other, there is just a sad silence between them, a silence that feels as if they were both in mourning again, something he can't stand and wants to avoid. So he has taken to waiting before going to bed. He hopes to God that she is asleep already, or at least pretends to be asleep. He could of course sleep in his own room, but he hates sleeping by himself. When he is in bed next to his wife and she is fast asleep, he can at least pretend that they are doing alright, that she is not dreaming of another man. She usually sleeps facing away from him now, she used to not do that, but sometimes he turns her way and puts a hand on her shoulder or arm and if he is lucky she doesn't shrug him off. He wonders if he should try just putting an arm around her, maybe if she woke up being held by him she'd remember that she is married to him and not that idiot of an art expert.

Their rooms are at the end of the family wing, his parents made them move into them during the second half of the first year of their marriage because in the words of his mother 'the two of them were unbearably loud'. They never moved into the rooms reserved for the Earl and Countess of Grantham because they did not want to give up the rooms they had felt at home in for years. So he has to walk past his daughters' and Tom's rooms every night and once he gets to Mary's room, he sees light beneath the door and hears his daughter sob. He wonders if he should go inside, if Mary would want him to see her cry, he very strongly doubts this, but then Mary still is his little girl and he can't stand it when his girls are not doing well. Edith' constant bad and depressive mood is setting his teeth on edge, he has tried to talk to her, he knows that Cora tried, even Mary tried in her rather unfeeling way, he asked his mother and sister, but neither of them seems to know anything besides the fact that Edith can't deal with Michael Gregson's very likely death.

Against what he considers his better judgment, he knocks on his daughter's door.

"Who is it?"

"Your father."

"Papa," is all she says, but he supposes that means 'come in'.

Mary is standing in front of her vanity, a picture in her hands and when she doesn't turn, he walks towards her and sees that the picture in her hands is one of Matthew. He misses that dear boy dreadfully.

Mary turns to him but does not say anything.

"I heard you said 'no' to Tony Gillingham," he says. He tries to keep any sort of disappointment out of his voice. He likes Tony, but more than that, he wants Mary to be happy.

"Yes. I did," she says in her Mary-like way with hardly any emotion in her voice, something he is afraid she got from him.

"I am sorry it did not work out." Mary gives a dry chuckle at that.

"I am glad we found that out before we got married. Because the last thing I want is a divorce."

"No," he says. Shrimpy does not seem to do well. He had thought that once the decision had been made, that once he knew that he would not have to live with Susan anymore, he would feel better, but Shrimpy told him that he felt like a failure. "Is it Charles Blake then?"

"I don't know. I am not sure I'd be happy with either of them." Again she says this without any emotion in her voice but he knows his daughter very well and he knows that she is about to start crying again.

"Mary, you will eventually be happy again." She looks at the picture again and then focuses her eyes on him.

"Will I be happy again, Papa? Do you really think so?"

"Yes, I do think so. And don't forget that Matthew would not have wanted you unhappy," he says and nods at the picture. Tears start to roll down his daughter's face now and his heart breaks for her. She did not deserve this. She deserved happiness. Just as Edith and Sybil and Matthew and Tom did.

"Probably not," she says and tries to calm herself.

She looks at him again and he then replies "I am sure of it," and Mary's shoulders begin to shake once more. He wonders if he should leave her, come back tomorrow, or maybe send Cora instead who is much better at dealing with emotions, but Mary fully turns to him now and looks into his eyes, determination edged on her face.

"Papa, may I speak plainly?" This makes him chuckle. She has never asked that before. She has always just done it.

"You never ask that. You always just do it." She raises her eyebrows in question. "Of course you may speak plainly, Mary," he says and then strokes her cheek once.

"If I had one wish to be fulfilled, just one wish for the rest of my life, I'd wish for Matthew to come back. I miss him every single day. I think about him day and night. I don't think I can get married again because I still mourn Matthew and a part of me will always do that. I don't want to let him go, I can't let him go. I just can't. I still love him, even if that sounds crazy, even if it is crazy. I thought I loved Tony, and I am very fond of him, but he isn't Matthew." Tears are running down her face again and in a strange twist that he can't explain, she simultaneously looks like a small girl and like her mother to him. He puts his arms around her and she lets him do so without protest.

"Mary. No love will ever be like what you felt for Matthew. But that doesn't mean that you can't love again." Mary gently frees herself from his embrace now and looks at him, her eyes bloodshot and her face swollen.

"Papa, there are two people in this family who have no idea what I am going through and you are one of them. I appreciate your concern, I know you love me, but about this you don't know anything." He wants to protest, wants to tell his daughter that he can empathize, that he might seem like a cold English fish, but that he does know how to feel. Mary however shakes her head and keeps talking.

"I am very glad that you don't know anything about this sort of pain, because that is the only way that I can have both Mama and you. But I am afraid that because you don't know anything about this sort of pain, you are about to throw away what you have."

"What?" He knows what she means, but somehow he needs her to say it.

"Be a little kinder to Mama. Don't talk over her so much and dismiss her opinions. She is not an insolent child."

"It's more complicated than that Mary. Your mother and Simon Bricker," Mary shakes her head and interrupts him.

"Mama reacted to Simon Bricker the way she did because he took her seriously and gave her the feeling that she was actually worth something. But it is not too late. She still craves your attention, she still loves you."

"Mary, I" he needs to defend himself and his behavior to his daughter. He does not disregard Cora's opinions and he does pay her attention.

"Papa, I am tired. I should sleep. And you should think." He knows he has been dismissed. So he gives his daughter a kiss on the cheek and says

"Sleep well and dream of a better world my darling girl." Once he has closed the door behind him he realizes that he hasn't said that to any of his daughters in years or probably decades. It is what Cora used to say when their girls were still little. They used to bring their children to bed right before they went down for dinner and she always said it to them. He gets changed without his valet, he is not in the mood to wait for him or to talk to him and once he is done, he walks into his wife's room.

"You are very late," she says to him and turns on the light on her nightstand.

"I talked to Mary," he answers and wants to leave it at that.

"What about?" 'Nothing to bother you with' he wants to say but stops himself.

"Future marriage."

"I thought she said no to Tony Gillingham."

"She did. And she thinks she'll say no to Charles Blake too. She doesn't think she can ever get married again because she still loves Matthew." While he said it, he sat down on the bed, next to Cora who is now looking at him.

"It must be so difficult. For her and for Tom. I don't think I could ever remarry if you," she leaves the sentence hanging in the air and he looks at her. There is love but more than that, there is disappointment in her eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asks although he does not know why.

"Yes. There was a time, when you were in South Africa when we did not hear from you for months. I had to at least consider what I would do, seeing as I would have been left with three little girls but without either estate or money. And I just knew that remarriage would never have been an option." She looks him straight in the face now and he can't help it.

"And now? Would you consider it now?" She shakes her head.

"No. It would feel like a betrayal. And I would never betray you." He has to raise his eyebrows now and sees in the transformation of her face that she knows that he does not believe her.

"Really? Not even with Simon Bricker?"

"No." She looks defeated and deflated.

"I did not only see what he did. I also heard what he said to you." She chuckles at this and it makes him rather mad.

"And do you agree with him?"

"What?" He can't believe she asked a question like this.

"Do you agree that everything about Downton is beautiful, including me?" She looks at him as if she really wasn't sure. He has told her a million times that he thinks her beautiful and still she doubts it.

"Of course. And I want to punch him across the face again for having said it." She smiles at him now. The first true smile she has given him since he snapped at her in London. 'You are about to throw away what you have.' 'She is not an insolent child.' Mary's words keep replaying in his mind and he does the only thing he can do now. He takes Cora's face between his hands and kisses her. She seems to be surprised but not unpleasantly so and gives into him rather fast. Maybe this is what she craves. Mary said Cora craved his attention, but more than that she seems to crave his love.

She falls asleep in his arms afterwards, something that hasn't happened since their anniversary, but he isn't sure whether they really are alright again. He can't get to sleep because he keeps hearing Mary say 'She is not an insolent child'. He has shown Cora that he loves her, but not that he values her opinion. And he does value her opinion. He just temporarily forgot. He realized that while he was away. The more interest Simon Bricker showed in her, the more he shut her out. He did it subconsciously, but he is sure it was supposed to be some sort of punishment, although he doesn't know whether he was punishing her or himself or both of them. Cora now sighs and moves a little in his arms but doesn't wake up. She mumbles something he doesn't understand and he kisses her head. He needs her to know that he is there, that it is him holding her and not that horrible art dealer. 'She is not an insolent child.'

He wakes up what feels like minutes later because someone is very gently smoothing his brows. He tries to not open his eyes because he wants to enjoy the sensation a little longer. Cora hasn't touched him like that for such a long time.

"Robert," she says and a shiver runs down his spine.

"Yes," he mumbles and can't keep his eyes closed any longer. Her face is rather close to his, so close that he only has to lift his head a little to kiss her.

"You said you had to get up early. It is seven o'clock."

"Thank you, my darling." He doesn't know whether he is thankful for her consideration or exasperated by the way she goes about waking him. "And if you don't stop that now, I'll be late despite you waking me."

"Alright," she says and grins at him.

"Do you have any plans for the morning?" She looks at him rather surprised.

"No. Why?"  
>"Because I wanted to take you to Pike's Corner." He thought about it the whole night. Tom and Mary aren't quite convinced yet, but maybe Cora will think about the houses what he thinks. She does seem to have an eye for what is beautiful.<p>

"Me? Why? You don't care about what I think." She looks at him as if she was a cat ready to pounce at any moment.

"I may not have shown my appreciation for your insights to the best of my abilities of late Cora, but,"

"That's a fancy way of saying that you didn't care." All the playfulness from just about a minute ago is gone and the angry countess is back. He wonders if he should tell her that one of the reasons he shut her out was his anger about her flirting with Bricker but then he hears Mary's voice again. 'You are about to throw away what you have'.

"I am sorry. I really am and it was wrong." He does not say that he thinks that he is not the only one at fault. He does not think it would help and all he wants is for him and Cora to be happy again. Together. "So please come with me. I want you to come with me, I want to hear your opinion on it. But we have to hurry a bit because I have another appointment here later this morning."

"Couldn't we go there a little later? I would like to have breakfast without rushing. I'll only need half on hour longer." He knows this is some sort of peace offering but not what he wants.

"No. Not if we want to walk to Pike's Corner."

"Walk?" she asks rather disbelievingly.

"Yes. I thought we could walk there. Just the two of us." The expression on Cora's face transforms from slightly annoyed to very happy and it painfully reminds him of how long he has not asked her to join him on a walk.

"I'll get ready then," she says and looks at him exactly the way she looked at Simon Bricker when he complimented her on something or asked her opinion. He could kiss her now, but she has turned away from him to ring for her maid.

"I better get ready then. I'll see you at breakfast."

She really does come down for breakfast, something that makes both their daughters and Tom smile happily.

As soon as they have started their walk, Cora holds onto his arm. He hasn't offered it to her, despite what they talked about and did last night, he is still a little wary of her, but there are butterflies in his stomach when he feels her so close to him, when he feels her hands on his arms.

"I owe you an apology," she says without further ado. He looks at her, her eyes full of sorrow, a sad smile playing around her lips. Lips he has kissed a million times and would very much like to kiss a million times more.

"For what?" he asks and looks up at the sky. It is hung with clouds. It does not look like rain, but they make the day somehow grey. Oddly enough the weather mirrors his mood. The clouds might clear away and the day might still be beautiful, or the clouds could thicken and then it would start to pour.

"Flirting with Mr. Bricker so much. I did it because I enjoyed the attention, but more than that I did to hurt you. I wanted you to see what I wanted you to do, how I wanted you to talk to me. Apparently that did not work out and I took it too far. And I am so sorry about it and I did not ask him to our room. I didn't, I could never have done that. He came there of his own accord. And I am very glad that you hit him across the face. But I only realized how much the flirting must have hurt you this morning. I couldn't talk to you, you wouldn't listen to me, but still this was not the right way and I am very, very sorry for having behaved like that. And for you injuring your hand. Although he did deserve that punch."

If this was a film, the clouds would now break open and let the first rays of sunshine through. But it is real life and there is no sunshine right now. He stops walking and because she is still holding onto him, Cora has to stop walking too.

"Thank you for saying that. It did hurt me. Quite a lot. But I know you did not invite him into our room. That would not be you. You are far too intelligent for that. Had you wanted to go to bed with him, you'd not have done it in our house, much less in our bedroom." She begins to laugh now, puts her arms around his waist and her head on his shoulder. The weight of it feels so right there, as if a missing piece of him had returned, had been put back into place.

"Oh Robert," she says. "You have a very strange way of charming me, but charm me you do."

He kisses her forehead and then urges them on. While they are walking he tells her everything there is to tell about Tom and Mary's plans for the cheap houses on Pike's Corner. She nods in understanding but doesn't say much on it. Until they are there.

"This is a very beautiful place I think," she says. "And it would be a shame to put cheap ugly houses here, regardless of fast profit. There must be another way. Couldn't you find an architect who would build the houses the way they are built in the village? You might make a less profit, but you would not destroy the beauty of this place. And what is more, you'd attract a different sort of house owners. Of course it depends on what you want, but if you built cheap houses, people with money for cheap houses will buy them. If you built more expensive houses, people with more money will buy them. And I am not sure whether that would not be more suitable. If you wanted to build houses affordable for the poorer, you should probably do it somewhere else, and maybe not all of them in the same place. To avoid building a sort of community within a community." All he can do is stare at her and berate himself for not having asked her opinion earlier.

"Robert? Have I said something wrong?" She looks a little insecure now and it hits him that his treatment of her probably hurt her self-confidence.

"No, no. Cora, you are a genius. I think the same about the houses but your arguments are much better than mine. Would you talk to the children about that?" She looks at him, her eyebrows raised.

"Talk to the children?" She asks this as if she didn't understand.

"Well not to Edith. She is not involved in this. But to Mary and Tom. I think you could convince them." He doesn't really know why, but she now pulls him very close to her and begins to kiss him in a rather indecent manner. He thinks about taking this further, there is no one around and it isn't that cold and Cora deserves some sort of adventure, he deserves it too, and he thinks about where the ground might be softest. He thinks about that until he hears a squeal of delight and a little girl calling "Donk! Granny!" on the top of her voice. He lets go of Cora and turns just in time to kneel down a little and catch Sybbie before she runs into him full force. In one fluid motion, he lifts her up, swings her around once, gives her a kiss on the cheek and then turns her in a away so that Cora can give her a kiss on the cheek as well. They have played this game a thousand times, Cora and he and their little girls, and Sybbie hasn't stopped squealing with delight yet. "Isis!" she now calls and the dog comes running to them. He puts his granddaughter to the ground but keeps a hand her shoulder. Isis is not a young dog anymore, but still as tall as Sybbie and Sybbie is sometimes rather rambunctious, something she got from her mother. She pets Isis' head and then asks for a stick to throw for her. Cora picks one up from the ground hands it to her and then leaves. He looks after her and sees her walking towards Tom. She turns around briefly and smiles at him, a smile that he is sure is supposed to say 'I'll give you time with the little girl'.

* * *

><p>He watches Robert and Sybbie play fetch with Isis and Cora walking towards him. Lord and Lady Grantham he has to remind himself. He can't help but think of them as Robert and Cora though. When he saw them kiss moments earlier, his heart leaped with joy and he thought about just taking Sybbie and leave and tell Mary exactly why he did not inspect the grounds again. He is sure that Mary would have been happy beyond delight. But Sybbie had started to run away from him before he had any time to hold onto her and it did not seem as if the little girl's grandparents minded being interrupted.<p>

"Hello Tom," Cora says and affectionately touches his arm.

"Lady Grantham," he says. She looks at him rather taken aback and then says "Tom, don't you think it was about time you stopped that Lord and Lady Grantham nonsense? Call us Robert and Cora." He looks into his mother-in-law's kind face and knows that he can't refuse.

"I don't think that Robert would like that very much without having allowed it first."

"Oh Tom, I'll talk to him, I promise."

"Thank you. He loves Sybbie very much, doesn't he?"

"Yes. He was just like that with the girls." He knows that of course. Sybil told him quite a lot about her childhood and how she had not grown up seeing her parents only an hour a day. She told him how she had been woken by them, been brought to be by them. How her mother had read to her and her sisters almost every day and how her father sometimes took them into the library with him when he had to work. 'He used to say it made the tedious work much easier if the children he did it all for were with him,' Sybil said.

"I can't take Sybbie away from him, can I?"

"We would be very sad if you left. All of us, not just Robert."

"But he wouldn't be sad if I left Sybbie with you and left by myself." He does not plan on doing this, but he wants to know what Cora will say about this.

"It would break his heart. He wants you to stay as much as he wants Sybbie to stay. He will probably never say it to you, but he loves you. We all love you." Cora looks at him now and smiles a very motherly smile at him. A smile he hasn't received in years. His own mother hardly writes to him anymore, she is disappointed in him, he knows that and it breaks his heart sometimes. But Cora apparently is not disappointed in him and he thinks that neither is Robert.

"We are all very proud of you," she says if she could read his mind.

"Thank you," he says and makes a spur of the moment decision. "I'll stay. This is where Sybbie belongs and it is probably where I belong."

"Good. Let's tell your father-in-law this and more importantly save both him and his granddaughter from being scolded for having gotten grass all over their clothes." He has to laugh about this and on a whim, offers Cora his arm which she takes.

* * *

><p>"Daddy, did you see that? I throwed the stick and Isis got it for me."<p>

"You threw the stick. And maybe you can teach her to clean your room for you." He sees the delight in his granddaughter's face and shakes his head at Tom.

"You'll be in trouble with the nanny Tom, because Sybbie will find a way to get Isis into the nursery." Cora has now let go of Tom's arm and moved over to stand next to him and she takes his hand in hers. He sees her nodding at Tom.

"Before I take Sybbie back home, I just wanted you to know that I decided to stay. Permanently." He wants to hug the boy and tell him that he loves him but the first would be very inappropriate and the second he just can't do, he can hardly say it to Mary and Edith. So instead he puts a hand on Tom's shoulder and says "That makes me very, very happy Tom. And I am proud of you." Tom smiles a smile at him that reminds him of Matthew, the boy used to smile at him like that too.

"Thank you. I have to take Sybbie home now."

"We should go too. I have a meeting with Drake. He wants to talk about some new machinery he wants to get." Tom looks at him and Cora calculatingly, as if he was weighing what to say next and then Tom's eyes fall on his and Cora's joined hands.

"If you want me to, I'll talk to him. You wouldn't have to come home before lunch then." He would like to spend more time with Cora, despite their walk and their kiss and last night, they are still not back on the right track, not completely. But he has no idea what she would want. Maybe she needs to be without him for a while.

"Cora?" he asks and tries to look at her neutrally.

"There is something I still want to do, but it might actually be helpful if you came with me." She smiles a little, pleading smile at him and he nods at her.

"Well then," says Tom and grins like a schoolboy. "I'll talk to Drake. If he asks a lot I'll tell him that I have to talk to you." He makes a quick decision.

"No, Tom, you don't have to ask me. It's your call." Tom nods and smiles and then holds his hand out to Sybbie.

"Come on, my little princess. Say goodbye to your grandparents. We have to go home." Sybbie turns to them and says "Goodbye Granny, goodbye Donk," then turns away again and pulls her father with her.

"She'll call you Donk for the rest of your life."

"I am afraid so." But if he is honest, he is not afraid of it. Sybbie is a small girl who picked the name because she likes playing a game with him and how many grandfathers are there who are called after a game they play with their grandchildren? How many men of his position actually know their grandchildren, let alone have the chance play with them?

"What do you want to do?" Cora stops walking and looks at him a little sheepishly, as if she wasn't sure she should tell him.

"Please don't fly off the handle." He can't stop himself from rolling his eyes. Somehow Cora seems to think that his temper has gotten much worse. Although him yelling at Ms. Bunting and hitting Bricker probably evoke that impression. But at least Bricker deserved what he got.

"I won't, my darling."

"Alright then. I want to go to Yew Tree farm. I know you said Edith should stay away for few months and I'd agree with you if I didn't have the feeling that there was more to it. And I would like to talk to the Drewes. I want to see if there is anything that I can do." She has said this rather fast and dug her nails into his arms, something that is never a good sign.

"What do you mean that you think that there is more to it?"

"Don't you think it is odd that she takes such an interest in the foster child of our pig man?" He has no idea what she is getting at.

"Well, her Gregson is probably dead. And is it a surprise that she wants a substitute for a child with George and Sybbie living with us? She always looks at them rather wistfully when they come into the library after tea."

"I am glad you've noticed that too. But she never interacts with them, does she? Even your mother is closer to them than Edith." Cora is right. He never really noticed it, but she is right. "And isn't that strange? That she cares about an orphaned child she has no connection to that much, but doesn't care for her niece and nephew who are both half-orphans? And why did Rosamund take her to Switzerland? For six months? They never were particularly close, Mary has always been your sister's favorite. And why Switzerland? If it was about learning French, why didn't they go to France? And your sister has no interest in learning a foreign language. She still doesn't know what a cookie is, although we've known each other for three and a half decades. And then Edith goes back to the continent for a couple of days and only shortly afterwards she starts visiting Yew Tree Farm. And takes an interest in their foster child. And she tells you that she wants you to know that she'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you. And she absolutely refused to talk to me for a while. And she has lost a lot of weight. Far too much. Anna took care of her for a few days when her maid was sick and she came to me and told me that you can see every single one of her ribs. It is as if she was trying to get rid of something. Or hide something." He is completely confused now and worried beyond believe. He wants his daughters to be well and happy.

"What would she hide by losing too much weight?"

Cora now bites her bottom lip and then slowly turns to him.

"The effects of a pregnancy." He has to stop now.

"What?" he knows he yelled this and Cora looks slightly taken aback but does not let go of him.

"I think that there is a chance that that little girl might actually be her daughter. It all makes sense. I've been thinking about it all for such a long time and it seems the only logical explanation. But before I ask her, I want to see the child." He wants to see the child too now and he has no idea what he hopes for. It would of course cause the whole family huge problems if the child actually was Edith', but then again that might be something he could help his daughter with, something he could make easier for her.

"I suppose you are right. Let's have a look at the child. And I think that you should do the talking. You are much more subtle than me." The sun has now broken through the clouds although he very much doubts that this reflects his mood.

When they knock on the Drewe's door, he is careful to let Cora stand a step in front of him. Mrs. Drewe almost faints when she sees them standing in front of her door, but Cora makes use of her disarming manner and puts the poor woman at ease, at least a little. Cora takes the offered chair and before she starts to talk about Edith and Marigold, she talks to a boy sitting at the table. He can see that this surprises Mrs. Drewe, she expected Cora to get to the point directly, but his wife is a little devious, she knows how to manipulate people and she is manipulating Mrs. Drewe now. She wants the woman to trust her.

"He is a sweet boy," she says and looks up at Mrs. Drewe.

"Thank you, my lady."

"Oh don't thank me, it is none of my doing," she says and then chuckles slightly. She should be in the diplomatic core he thinks. In that moment he is suddenly proud of her and proud of himself for having made her fall in love with him and marry him.

"My lady, I think I know why you are here." Cora plays it very carefully now, he can see it in her manner, her very small movements.

"Yes, I suppose it is a mother's instinct." His darling wife is brilliant.

"Oh?"

"Just like you Mrs. Drewe, I worry about my children very much. Even though they are adults and have been for quite some time. But a mother never stops to worry about her children." He knows this came from the heart and it goes for fathers too, but Cora is still playing it very well.

"I think so. Although my children are of course a lot younger than yours."

"Yes. And they grow up so fast. Faster than you think. One moment they are small little girls who want to be just like you and the next moment they tell you that you have no idea what being young means and that they want to be left alone by you. And only a minute later they have their own children."

"Lady Edith does not have a child." Mrs. Drewe says this rather accusingly, but Cora pretends to not have noticed this.

"No, she doesn't. But she has a niece and a nephew, both of them half-orphans. I think that is what makes her take an interest in a child who has lost both her parents. Because she sees what it means to only have one parent every day. And it must be so much more difficult to have no parents at all."

"But Marigold has got parents. Tim and me. She is almost like one of our own."

"And I admire you for treating her that way. And so does my daughter. All she wants to do is help." He wants to applaud Cora for this. She is brilliant.

"Would you like to see Marigold, my lady?"

"Very much so." Mrs. Drewe leaves and he throws Cora an appreciative glance. He wants to tell her that he admires what she has just done, but of course he can't, they could be overheard. As soon as Mrs. Drewe walks back into the room, carrying a little blonde girl, he is almost sure that Cora is right. When Cora gets up to stroke the little girls face and apparently without conscious thought, Mrs. Drewe passes the little girl to Cora, who then holds her in her arms, he is sure beyond a doubt that Cora is right. He can see that Cora is struggling with herself, but he is sure he is only able to see it because he has been married to her for more than 34 years.

"She is a very sweet girl. I see why my daughter has taken an interest in her. And I wonder if it might be possible that you let her see her, maybe once a week? I promise, my daughter won't lose interest eventually. I've known her all her live, I know her well enough for that." Cora then makes a motion that lets Mrs. Drewe take the girl again.

"I think that could be arranged my lady."

"Thank you. How about the day after tomorrow?"

"Yes, my lady."

"Then thank you. We won't bother you any longer."

They leave right after that and as soon as they are out of the door he turns to Cora and wants to say something but before he can get a word out, she looks at him and says "Let's walk a bit." So they walk away from the house in silence. Cora has taken his arm again and it costs him all he has got to not just grab her and kiss her. He is overwhelmed now and he needs something steady in his life. And that is Cora. His darling wife. Once they are out of earshot of the house he wants to turn all his emotions into words, but the only question that leaves his mouth is

"Why on earth did she not tell us?"

"She was probably scared. But I don't think that speculation would be the right thing to do now. I think we should talk to her. Give her the chance to explain herself and then think about how we can help her."

"Yes," he says. They continue to walk on in silence. Cora is still holding onto his arm and despite what they have just learned, he can't ignore the butterflies on his stomach. He wants to know where they stand, he wants to know if they are going to be alright again.

"Robert?"

"Yes?"

"Before we talk to Edith, we should solve our own problems. Because if we want to help her, we have to be on the same side." He nods and she is right.

"Yes." He looks up at the sky again. It has turned into a murky grey again. But somehow that gives him courage.

"What do you want Cora?"

"A happy marriage. That is all I want. But I am afraid I," he stops them now, shakes his head and puts a finger on her lips.

"Don't say it because you haven't. 34 years of a blissfully happy marriage are not ruined by a few evenings of flirting and a man pushing into our room against your will. And I hope they won't be ruined by me not treating you the way you deserved for a time." She shakes her head and his heart soars to the sky.

"We are both at fault, I think. We could have handled this better. Both of us. But I don't think that it is too late." It isn't too late. Despite not really knowing where they stand, this has been a very nice morning. He enjoyed the time he had Cora to himself.

"I enjoyed having you to myself. I'd like to do this more often." Cora now smiles at him and then puts her arms around his waist again. He wraps his arms around her upper body and then tucks her head under his chin.

"I'd like that very much," she mumbles into his coat. They don't say anything for a while, they just hold onto each other but he knows there is something she is waiting for, something she wants to hear him say, something he actually wants to say.

"I love you. With all my heart. I love you."

Sobs begin to wreck through Cora's body and it is probably a mixture of sadness and relief that lets her react in such a way. He lets her cry, strokes her back, kisses her head and murmurs "I love you," again a few more times. Cora calms down a little and then says "I love you too," without moving her head.

"Good," he says. It makes him hopeful.

"Robert?"

"Yes darling?" She still hasn't moved but he can feel her sigh.

"Do you think we can go back to how we were before?"

"That is all I want. And I think we can. I'll flirt with you again, I missed that. I'll hold your hand in the drawing room again, I'll kiss you in front of others. I'll try to catch your attention at dinner, I'll make you forget your manners. I'll pay you more attention, all the attention you deserve. We'll be scolded by my mother again for displaying our affections too openly for her taste. I'll be a good husband. Or at least I'll try to be as good a husband as I can." Cora hiccups at this and then finally lifts her head and looks up at him.

"You usually are a very good husband. I think we've just lost ourselves along the way. But we have found each other again." She looks at him very pleadingly now as if she was begging him to reassure her.

"I don't think we will. I enjoyed having you with me today, I'll involve you in the estate business, Mary and Tom won't mind."

"I don't think they will." She looks hopeful now, as hopeful as he feels.

"Cora, we've mostly had a happy marriage for the past 34 years."

"Very happy."

"If we are both going to be as old as my mother, we are just about half way through." She laughs now.

"Marriage is a long business," she says, echoing something his mother says from time to time.

"Will you let me make it a long and happy one for you? For us?" Cora's face lights up like the sun and makes the day seem so much brighter and much more beautiful.

"That's almost what you said when you proposed to me." He nods. She is right, he hadn't realized it, but she is right.

"Yes," she says and then leans forward to kiss him. While he kisses her back, he lifts her off the ground and swings her around, then puts her down again, takes her hand and leads her back to the Abbey, where they are met by his mother on the driveway who must have watched them and scolds for displaying their affections so openly.


End file.
